My Insatiable Thirst Was Finally Quenched

My Insatiable Thirst Was Finally Quenched

Fountain of Life
I walked through a desert for what seemed like an eternity. I was in a perpetual state of thirst, so I spent much of my time searching for a lake. I don’t know how I knew this lake existed, yet I was compelled to find it. There were signs pointing me in the right direction, usually leading me to a hearty cactus, where I’d often find a sufficient amount of water. My thirst was quenched…

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For Those of Us Who Are Sensitive to the Energy of Others (How to Keep Your Balance When You Carry the Weight of the World)

For Those of Us Who Are Sensitive to the Energy of Others (How to Keep Your Balance When You Carry the Weight of the World)

Weight of the World
When I was a child, I naturally looked past people’s faults and saw their pain. Not only did I see it, but I felt it deeply. At some point, this gift became overwhelming for me and I could no longer handle all the emotions I carried, so I consciously disconnected from myself and began to live my life on the surface – if not merely to fit in – simply to be set free from the heaviness I carried.…

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What Exactly is Integrity?

What Exactly is Integrity?

Integrity
Being a mom has given me two little people (well they aren’t exactly little anymore) in my life who call me out on my nonsense. They are like video cameras recording everything I say and do. The only good thing about them being like this is that if I need validation that someone else in my life is not good for me, they are a wonderful source of information. They see all. It’s pretty incredible. I…

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Are You Aware of the Role That You Play, Or Are You Stinking Up Your Old Costume?

Are You Aware of the Role That You Play, Or Are You Stinking Up Your Old Costume?

Stage
I’ve been changing it all up lately in the way I view things, including other people’s notions of “right and wrong.” The clarity is coming in strong. I am beginning to see everything in physical reality as a stage, while everything emotional is like the act, and then there are the actual players upon that stage. When everything is said and done and when the curtain rolls closed, everyone takes…

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Friday Night Pep-Talk: Don’t Drink No Matter What!

Friday Night Pep-Talk: Don’t Drink No Matter What!

JLForbes:

This is a great post, and be sure to watch the video!

Originally posted on Sober Courage:

Happy sober Friday once again y’all. Hope you had a good week and are already to unwind, alcohol free.

imageToday I am going to unwind by letting it all out, and maybe you had a rough week too and need to unwind also, huh? Well, grab your pen or keyboard, and lets get it all out! Writing out my…

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It’s ok to be the only one not drinking on the Fourth of July. I have always been a little “different” in a crowd. I drank for years merely to fit in, but you know how the ole story goes – I always drank too much, and there I was again, standing out like a moth at a butterfly gathering.

Last night I went to bed excited about the holiday, without even considering what it would be like to drink, yet I was offered a brutal drinking dream, so here I am awake now shaking off the horrible feeling of relapsing, although it was only a nightmare. Those dreadful drinking dreams still come up for me, and I feel like it is simply my body (emotional, spiritual, mental) releasing old toxins – old energies and patterns of thinking seeping out of me in my sleep. In this dream, I carried a bottle of bottom shelf vodka and took sips out of it all day long, trying to maintain a buzz without getting too drunk. I accepted that I’d relapsed, and decided to forget about the recovery memoir I’ve written – it was useless to anyone now because here I was drunk again. People all around me knew what I was doing, and I still tried to hide the bottle while covering up my breath with gum, mouthwash and food. (What a high maintenance addiction – it’s so much easier to just maintain sobriety). In my drinking dream, I knew I was failing myself, yet I was stuck in the old, hopeless cycle. Upon waking up, I felt shame, fear, and then relief as I came to. Dreams about drinking are a reminder of why I do not want to go there again.

Two years into my sobriety, I decided to go completely vegan, so today I will probably be the only American at our campsite barbequing vegetables and drinking bottled water instead of enjoying a hamburger with a beer in hand. So what? I’m a little different – always have been. I’ve become completely comfortable with doing my own thing. I’m so incredibly grateful for my life. I love spending quality time with my family, especially my children, while being lucid. Staying awake instead of passing out during the fireworks, is so enjoyable. The sun is out and I’m not going to be dehydrated today because of too much booze. None of my differences take away from my experience of the holiday – in fact, my sobriety enhances the experience because I get to be all up in it! I get the full treatment of this fabulous American holiday. The aroma of barbeque, the sun beating down on my body, children’s laughter, adults enjoying a three day weekend, looking forward to the fireworks show, the campfire afterward, and I’ll still be wide awake. I’ll close my eyes when I decide it’s time for bed. I am no longer a slave to the drink in my hand. I’m in control now. This is my life and I’m doing what I love doing, and being myself without shame, guilt, fear or self-destruction. This is a reason to celebrate.

When we were kids, we weren’t even thinking about anything but having fun during this holiday (during any holiday for that matter), so why do we think we can’t enjoy the festivities without a drink? That’s complete nonsense. If you feel uncomfortable today, recall what it was like to be a child during the Fourth of July and become that child again. If you are surrounded by adults who are drinking, find the group of kids and hang out with them. I guarantee you’ll have a lot more fun. I do it all the time. Find a way to enjoy this day and practice getting comfortable in your own skin. Soak it all in – be present and tap into your gratitude today. BE different. BE yourself. There is nothing more liberating than the gift of recovery, and after all, isn’t liberty what we are celebrating today?

Red, White and BLUE Without a Drink? It’s ok to be the only one not drinking on the Fourth of July. I have always been a little “different” in a crowd.

A Culture of Neglected Dreams

A Culture of Neglected Dreams

To close my eyes each night is to enter into another dimension of my life.  Vivid dreams have been a part of my experience for as long as I can remember.  I even recall my first nightmare about a monster in a caboose.  I’m certain one day I’ll write a children’s book with this very title.  (Perhaps this afternoon).  Dreams have inspired my writing for decades.  My imagination expands during those…

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Restlessness - How to Settle the Inner Storm

Restlessness – How to Settle the Inner Storm

Image

Restlessness is a sure sign to me that I am not in my body.  Even after three years and a couple of months of sober-living, once in while I still find myself restless.  It is rare, but it does come up for me.  Yesterday even after meditation, a steadily busy day at work and an hour walk with a friend of whom I can talk to about these things, I was still splitting at the seams.  A drive home in…

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A Child’s Temper Tantrum Doesn’t Throw Me Off Today

A Child’s Temper Tantrum Doesn’t Throw Me Off Today

Meditation was introduced to me by a former roommate who practiced it at the kitchen table while staring into a candle.  I walked in on him one day and interrupted him out of his “trance.”  “Oh, I’m sorry,” I declared as I put my groceries away.  “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”  He was not angry or annoyed with me.  We spoke a bit about the practice and I became curious.  That week I went online…

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